Woman wonders if it was wrong to tell her problematic best friend that she is a pick-me and an attention seeker: ‘She hated I complimented someone other than her’

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Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Jul 30, 2026 7:15 PM EDT

Pick-me outbreak

The pick-me behaviour is rather paradoxical; through frantic efforts, the people engaging in pick-meism achieve rejection rather than selection, but there's no use in explaining that to them. If they truly could incorporate it, they wouldn't be reverting to the behaviour in the first place. Pickmeism is a really difficult conduct to weed out; it seems to be deeply ingrained in some people's functioning. To me, there is no use in trying; you either can coexist with the behaviour or you can't. There is no use in trying to talk it out of your pick-me friend; it's an especially persistent trait. This woman apparently got tired of fighting her friend's pick-me dynamics, and she confessed everything to her. Was this the right path to take?

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  • two women facing away from each other
    via Obie Fernández

    The woman finally telling her friend she's a 'pick me'

    Illustrative image

  • AITBA FOR TELLING MY BEST FRIEND SHE'S A PICK ME AND ATTENTION SEEKER?

    For some context, I am 17 and my best friend is the same age as me. I've known this girl for 13 years even since I was four. Our dads worked together and we happened to be in the same class so it was
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  • obvious we became friends. I always, always have seen her as a beautiful person. We talked, sent random memes as we grew and for 9 years it was just us. But around 8th grade
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  • something shifted. Two other girls wanted to become friends with us. Sarah and Xailia. Sarah and I got close and so did Xailia and I but my best friend let's call her Z. She also got close to both. Sarah constantly
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  • complimented and hyped me up. I genuinely thought it was sweet of her. But the problem was Z changed. Anytime Sarah said something good about me, Z started feeling ped off. Our friendship with Sarah and Xailia lasted 5
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  • months and then 9th grade began Z told me we should cut them off because she thinks Sarah is a pick me. I found it weird but I went along anyway because she was my best friend.
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  • The thing is if I see a pretty person, or a good looking person or someone trying something new. I find it genuinely interesting I definitely want to compliment them about this. I talk to a girl my senior she's like beautiful
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  • and I tell her that. That's just who I am. Z didn't like that. She hated I complimented someone other than her." Z literally started tearing other people down to feel better about herself. But I
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  • kept quiet I'm not proud of this part but I kept quiet. Then my skin cleared up I got more compliments than Z, one time someone told me I had a great jawline Z looked me de d in the eye the next moment and said 'I think
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  • you look fat.' The worst one was, the next day a girl told me 'your hair looks like sh,' because of the hair color. Z looked at her and said, 'Mine look good right?' And that struck me because every time someone says anything
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  • about her appearance | defend her, no matter what I stand up for her." Then I heard she's backbiting about me. Has group chats with girls who hate me but act sweet to my face. I confronted her,
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  • black and white woman with an angry expression
    via Ivan Kazlouskij

    The 'pick me' acting differently around everyone

    Not actual subjects

  • she didn't look guilty instead she said, 'whatever everyone does that. You're childish.' If I got a new lip balm she got the same one the next day. If someone commented on my story, she started calling the same person
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  • fake. But I put up with all of it because she's my best friend and I thought it's just a phase. But, after I won my school debate championship my other friends threw me a party she was invited to. She came and immediately
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  • locked her eyes on a guy, she changed her persona around him. The guy one of our friend's friend, asked me about the championship but before I could answer, my best friend goes 'She probably cheated like slept with the
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  • judge or something.' Sarah, who was invited to the party too, threw a glass of water right in Z's face. I walked out. She texted me like 3 times. Not to apologize but to tell me, I was dramatic and it was
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  • There is no doubt this friend is being disrespectful and problematic; I don’t think there is much place to question that. It is noble, though, to wonder whether saying everything to her face was a useful act or only caused more unnecessary trouble.

  • just a joke. And that I should have stood up for her when Sarah threw water at her. I lost it, I replied to her and I told her, she's the worst friend and an awful person and that she's the biggest pick me and attention seeker I
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  • she's the worst friend and an awful person and that she's the biggest pick me and attention seeker I know.
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  • a woman with her hand crossed over her chest
    via Rifki Kurniawan

    The woman after she said 'no more'

    Subject is a model

  • Unlikely_Rip1893 Petty. She's clearly jealous of you. If I were you I'd dump her and be friends with Sarah.
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  • Tamara6060 Not if it's the truth
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  • Even-Economist6529 Ytba. Nobody needs to hear your criticisms, just take care of your own shi, dont worry about other people's sh.
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  • I have a pick-me friend; I have no problem saying it. I saw her often pathetically choosing male company over her friend’s, coming up with excuses or trying to set up weird schemes to get them to meet her alone. There's absolutely no problem with her being flirtatious or trying to get dates; it’s just that it is always done in a pathetic way, with secrets or undermining her female friends in different ways to get them. I haven’t confronted her about it yet because I see it comes from a deep insecurity, and I don’t really feel threatened by it. She is very sweet in other areas, but I have often wondered if the friendship has an expiration date related to this. I don’t think OP was necessarily wrong in confronting her; I just don’t think it will have any effect on the pick-me friend, but well, at least she unburdened herself.

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friendship relationship advice friends relationships toxic relationship relationship drama
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